Decisions, decisions...

I am so excited to be dreaming again. I used to dream in technicolor/3-D/Blu-Ray/surround sound and lucid! If I drifted off for more than 5 minutes, I was dreaming. Then I started taking some medication several  years ago and within 2 days, all that ended. I am not sorry I take the Rx because it has helped tremendously with my health. But I'm glad I didn't know that possibility before I started taking it because I may not have given how beautiful and often prophetic my dreams were. Since I've been back here in Louisiana for the past week I have dreamed every night. Not quite like I used to, but it's a huge start and I am so grateful for it!

I've been reading a lot about expanding your mind and brain power, alpha level sleep, and manifestation. I had a dream last night. I remember actually thinking to myself that I wondered if I was dreaming or traveling on the astral because I could physically feel myself lifting higher and the wind blowing past me. Next thing I know, I'm on an aircraft. In a middle seat and there is a pilot sitting next to me. I'm a flight attendant again and I am commuting. We push off the gate and they make the announcement that we are en route to Dulles International. I freak. I tell the pilot that I need to get off the plane. I am supposed to be traveling with my mom and I somehow got on the wrong aircraft. He kinda laughs and smiles and says I'll ask for you. He does, they say no, it's after pushback. I am so upset and nervous. Where is my mom? Will she be ok, she must be worried sick. How did we get separated? What the hell did I do wrong, was I not paying attention again and went the wrong way and now we are separated and she is all alone? The commuting pilot just smiles and says hey, you're here and you can't go anywhere. Being upset of feeling bad isn't going to get you off this plane, so let's talk and enjoy the flight.

I check my email this morning and get one that I am just about to erase. Something says no, read it. I do. It's from one of the best known self-help gurus from The Secret, Bob Proctor. It's an amazing audio about the ability to make decisions quickly and not give into fear of the unknown or lack of resources or money will either make you or break you in every aspect of your life. If you don't know me, let me just explain that me getting this is akin to Moses seeing the burning bush! He goes on to explain about programing and how we have to choose to make our own lives and NOT live for others. He quotes Oscar Wilde as saying, "Selfishness is not living the way you want to. It's asking someone else to live the way you want to." I instantly understand my dream. But I wanted to see how it would show up to me through the cards. Again, another bush on fire.

I chose to do 3 cards with the center one as the rock star and the other two the back-up singers and to use elemental dignities. The first card blew me away, The Empress III, the mamma card. The lead is the King of Pentacles and followed by the 2 of pentacles. Earth/earth/earth. Can you scream: security, grounding, fiances, safety, reliability. It's about having a very strong foundation from which to drawn strength, but a need for growth and flexibility. Capricorn can be so resistant to change it's ridiculous!! I also see how much water is on the two backup cards. This tells me that in reality I need to drink more water because when I don't my body becomes very stiff and my mind is not clear. And the need to ask which emotion is keeping me stuck, which one can help me be more flexible, move along and promote growth. The Kng of P is all about material success and having mastered being grounded, stable and having the means to be generous. (My life right now is about as stable as the San Andres fault!) He is clearly Bob Proctor who was represented by the pilot in the dream.  The Empress is my mom of course, but also me. Being back home in La. is really reminding me of how deeply engrained in Creole and Cajun culture it is to have a co-dependent relationship with our mothers until the day we die! And if you don't, you are so obviously a selfish ass and an all around bad son or daughter. Plain and simple, you totally suck. But a huge part of me knows how unhealthy this is. So when am I gonna cut the damn cord and choose to truly live for ME, what I want, not her? There is a whole world out there to explore (hence me going to Dulles Int'l in my dream and not National Airport)) and I must decide to rise above the limited way of thinking that has kept me from truly being the creatrix of my own life. I have to go my own way. That's why in the dream we were on two different planes. I see the heart of her face and her crown. My mother and I are always going to love each other more than words can express. We need to love our own selves more more than words can express. The 2ofP is saying that I so need to find balance and learn to make solid decisions. The crow is warning me that I really need to continue taking a long hard look at myself and to maintain a clear vision of who I am and who I want to be. And the chick on this card is one self confident woman with her own sense of style. I've always wondered why in the version we see on pentacle in the mirror but the other behind her back. This is reminding me of the other meaning of the card, to budget and save money.
 Change has always been hard for me, which is why I suppose Life has thrown so may extreme ones my way for the past few years. It's time for me to decide to embrace change and to trust my own decisions. The only way is to actually make them, get past the fear that I will not make the right one. Right now, I am decided to listen a bit more to Bob's teaching. But I challenge you to ask yourself how are your decision making skills and how can you improve them? What scary choices do you need to face and make? What can you choose right this minute as you read this that will give you a better quality of life? I've learned the very hard way that allowing fear to prevent you from making a choice, is itself a choice. Most often, it's not a real good one.